You might have encountered a man walking down the street with red, hollow eyes and a long face; or you once met a woman who had suddenly lost her sense of humour and was evidently battling with some invisible figures. These characters frequently disappear and isolate themselves from people’s company, choosing solitude instead and leave colleagues puzzled, wondering and guessing.
Blame them not.
Psychologists have it that particular behaviours result from a human’s past experiences. These may include such sad and wildly events as rape, violence in the family, bullying and other horrifying occurrences that a victim might have experienced or witnessed. Unfortunately, such experiences remain plastered at the back of the victim’s subconscious mind and are frequently ignited by some certain arbitrary actions or even the minutest slips-of-the-tongue. Blame them not.
This explains why, upon witnessing some present actions or hearing/reading some certain phrases, victims suddenly shift their moods. You can be jovially narrating an incident to an equally jovial friend then all of a sudden you notice how his/her enthusiasm has faded and a dry, blank face is what you are left to deal with. It is rarely possible for one to explain this occurrence as the victims themselves can’t give any tangible reason for the unfathomable shift. Apart from the recommended therapy from a professional – which is expensive – there has never been a scientifically proven solution to those suffering from depression.
On many occasions, victims may choose a way to fight their suffering, one way or the other. Most of them (especially among the youth) believe that seeking solace in alcohol and drugs will somehow pacify their suffering. You’ve certainly witnessed or came across a colleague or friend who mysteriously turned into an irresponsible drug addict. Blame them not. It is their own way of drowning their sorrows and fighting their demons that, unfortunately, even they themselves can’t explain how they occurred.
But drugs and alcohol have never been a solution to any form of human suffering. Though it somehow works for them, albeit temporarily because the drunkenness and the state of being ‘high’ is ephemeral, this is NEVER a recommended way to fight depression. It, however, is a sure way to multiply the troubles three-fold and push a victim slowly towards the grave. In this scenario, apportioning blame to the victim is by fact the worst thing that he/she can experience in that state of mind. Constant support, comfort and company is what victims who have found themselves in this path require; not ridicule and blame and abuse and hate.
Still there are those who, in attempting to face their suffering, suddenly turn their social media accounts and pages into a channel to express their inner sorrows. These ones will post and comment on anything: from nude photos to motivational quotes; from imaginary weddings to factual funerals; from weird jokes to suicide notes. Let them be. It is their only way of draining out the excessive pressures piling up inside their bodies, and it would be inhumane to judge these victims based on the actions they choose to partake on their walls. In fact, it would be imprudent and stupid to comment and ask them publicly on Facebook, “What’s wrong, bro?” One cannot seriously expect a suffering man to air his grievances to every Tom, Dick and Harry on social media. The best thing to do in such a scenario is to call them in private and chat or cheer them up. This works MIRACLES. What most of these people actually need is nothing but a simple communication to reassure them that they are neither worthless nor are they the only ones in the world suffering. But most importantly, paramountcy of the assurance that there are indeed others who care about them, cannot be ignored.
It is been scientifically proven that social media is one of the leading causes of depression. What I would advise such victims, therefore is, if they experience some kind of discomfort and uneasiness, they should completely stay away from their phones. Instead, if the pressure piles and feel like they require an immediate outlet to vent it out, let them take a pen and pour out their grief and emotions onto that paper. Later, when the mind is ‘stable’, let them go through what they have written and judge whether its contents are worth sharing with strangers on Instagram and hypocrites on Facebook. And by the way, this strategy works and most of these things never show up in public.
Allow me to highlight another way that victims handle their sorrows. Apart from seeking solitude and keeping away from their accustomed company, there are those who lock themselves completely indoors and away from humanity. They choose to handle their internal battles between their bedsheets, sleep for DAYS and regularly never receive calls, or worse still, shut them off completely. Now this may seem to be a scary way of facing such challenges but since these folks rarely and inadvertently trust any other soul other than theirs, it would be unjust to rate them harshly. This also is a dangerous course of reaction to take because some of these earthly battles may be too overwhelming for one single soul and/or mind. Sometimes one may choose to end-it-all and we end up blaming him/her for being insensitive and irrational. If at all he/she wins and miraculously reappears to the public scene three or four days later, one will effortlessly notice the physical emaciation and the mental wretchedness the victim seems to be recuperating from. Because trust me, thinking not only drains down one mentally, it also sucks out one physically. Look out for these people because they are many.
It would be very prudent for potential victims to avoid scenarios where they are predisposed to depressive deeds and actions. I believe there’s a mutual relationship between the company one keeps and his/her state of mind. For instance, being in the midst of some selfish, talkative, egocentric and trouble-seeking figures will most certainly lead you to depression. Love yourself and Avoid them.
Related to this are those ‘friends’ who find pleasure in keeping you down, by deed and word; those who make you feel weak, dysfunctional, undeserving, useless, worthless, unlucky, destined for doom. At first, their words and actions may seem harmless to you but internally, everything you love about yourself keeps falling apart without your knowledge. Your self-esteem, your ego, your courage, your confidence, your self-believe will gradually disintegrate, a shell of your former self remains and eventually even the most petite of human challenges will permanently cripple you. Regardless of the consequences, CUT them LOOSE.
Finally, allow me to mention the one and only permanent solution to these unpredictable and unavoidable mental and emotional earthly sufferings. THE BIBLE. Most of us have been in the trenches once or twice and we have, severally, been tempted to seek shelter in the temporary earthly solutions but failed in an ugly way. We have lived our dirty sides and relished our beautiful days in equal measure, but what we can all attest to, are those amazing moments we lived in peace and happiness. Personally, I’m not a very active church-goer but once or twice I grab my Bible on a Sunday and drag myself into a nearby church. You can choose to believe me or not but if there were incidences where I literally witnessed God’s miracle; if there were moments that I was vivaciously happy; if there were weeks that I never lacked; if there were days when proposals successfully sailed through; if there were instances where a surprise-happy phone call came through; if there were occurrences where I knew I was finally living for something; if there were days that my mental and physical health were above par, it was those days succeeding a Sunday that I attended a Church service. Even depression can never beat the power of the Gospel.
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