....(a continuation of Part One of HOW DO YOU EXPECT A VILLAGER TO BEHAVE UPON FIRST STEPPING IN CITY?)
4) My
Favorite Beer.
I do really admit that you love drinking
but I fear your drinking style. You hardly finish two hours in the pub before
being carried to the house by your friends. Why?
First is your drinking speed (or your
carburetor as you usually called it), is so high that your friends nicknamed
you “Usain Bolt”. Second is the type of drink you take but I don’t blame you
for that considering the size of your wallet. If you come to city and one
weekend you a have five hundred shillings note, don’t even look at the bar’s
door. Instead put that money in your phone account and send it to your
accolades in the village for them to take busaa then wait for a “Thank
You” call the next day. be sure that you will receive more calls than ever. After
that head straight for your house, take a lot of tea and give your bed what it
deserves; sleep with your wife.
If you fail to do that, you will go to the
bar and take that cheap favorite drink of yours bearing a logo of a Maasai
moran standing on one foot. (Can’t really recall what it was called). Then
after some few minutes the spirit takes charge over and you start praising you
father for siring a useless drunkard like you and after some other ten minutes
you fall down vomiting on people’s feet and peeing under your pants like a kid
without a diaper. You lie there till morning because your friends will not be
there to carry you!
Nairobi drinkers are more than generous
when they have swollen wallets and fat pockets. I must admit they also cherish
the beer and the fun that is accompanied by it. Occasionally one comes home
from his workplace on a ‘good’ Friday but not without via the bar first. He
takes about three beers and heads for the house to change at around 9 p.m.
After changing and having a heavy meal he is seen again entering the doors of
his usual joint at around 10.30pm. He takes his favorite of the many ‘sweet
drinks of Nairobi ’
till 6.00am upon which he goes home to have breakfast and back again to the bar
immediately. He drinks from that Saturday morning till Monday morning after
which he goes to the house, changes and straight to his office without failure.
Neither do I know why these people don’t sleep nor know what science they apply
to their biological system.
So what if a city citizen invites you over
for an outing one Friday? Am sure that by Saturday 4p.m you are dead blackout
and so your innocent, devastated, disappointed and regretful friend will carry
you to your house. There you will lie on the bed without moving an inch till
Tuesday when you raise your head at least to check the time. You won’t be
surprised it’s 4.21p.m Tuesday. Then you bury your head in the bed again and
coil yourself to form a zero!
This is now the capital and these are just
a small portion of the crazy lifestyle these born town Nairobians encounter and
are used to. So if you think you will not make it in the city forget the hell
of it and live it to the sophisticated ‘niggas’ here. They know how to handle
issues. But if in any case unfortunately you are already here and my letter,
you get it here, then don’t hesitate. Make haste; pack your things, head
straight to the bus station and book a ticket as fast as possible. Oh! I almost
forgot, before leaving, go to Uhuru Park via K.I.C.C. and take two photographs; one at
K.I.C.C. and the other at Uhuru
Park
Back to the bus station, bid the dwellers
goodbye and tell the driver to zoom through the traffic jam. Please don’t dare
to look back. Make sure that when you
open your eyes for the first time, there is a mug of busaa in front of
you and you are swigging it with your only remaining twenty bob coin!!
Article Compiled By,
F. Kangogo Kibet
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