It all dates back to ’04
when I first joined Ebenezer.
Let’s roll back a little.
I was admitted by that
beautiful secretary at around 3 pm and instructed to wait for the dorm captain
who would from there take me to those static ‘rockets’ where I would spend the
rest of the term in.
As I was standing there on
the stairs, some notorious form two folk came appeared and demanded that I
should ‘kata’ for him. I was flabbergasted. He repeated sternly this time “Mono
Kata!” In my mind I was like “I am Kangogo from Kasisit bwana, sasa kukata ndio
kufanya nini?” As if he was reading my mind, the guy told me that ‘kukata’
meant that I should salute for him.
Well, according to my
judgment and experience with ugly people, the face and the body I was seeing in
front of me was the ugliest of them all. (I actually thought the Koreans had
adopted some wild animals and perhaps this one has just broken out of its
cage.)
I am small. I get scared
fast. I saluted like three times in an attempt to get rid of that ugly thing.
He walked away feeling superior. I watched him ‘bouncing’ back to whence he
came from and I saw mediocrity and stupidity in him. How on earth can a man in
his normal mind feel ‘great’ after demanding for and receiving a salute from a
not-so-willing junior? I concluded he must be a Form two mongoloid fresh out of
the Ten-Ten ‘initiation’….And Indeed he was.
It was around 3.50pm and games
time it was. The dorm prefect came and helped this son of Kobilo carry his
baggage to the ‘hostel’. This happened to be the longest walk to the shortest
destination I have ever taken. Almost everyone was just out of class and baying
for your little man’s introduction, blood and of course the Salutes. (In fact,
if you were there then, saw me and didn’t receive a few of my salutes, then
it’s either you were an idiot or you were just waiting for your later chance…All
in all, I ‘kata-ad’ all through the verandah such that by the time I reached
the dorm’s door, it was already 4.30pm. I am sure that I ‘kata-ad’ for like 352
or so times.
Yaani, have you ever ‘kata-ad’
to the extent of finding yourself saluting for someone who is 300 metres away
for no reason at all? Imagine saluting to strangers to the point of waking up
from a sweet nap and doing the same to imaginary persons? You people don’t
know. Have you ever felt your knee itching but instead of scratching the
itching knee, you scratch your cheek - (As if there’re some powerful forces
beneath your ears pulling all your four fingertips at once) - because your hand
has been accustomed to ‘kata-ing’ so much that instead of stretching downwards,
it bends upwards?
It didn’t take long for me
to realize that coming to Ebe for Academic Excellence was a second goal to
many. Having a girlfriend or ‘manzi’ (as we used to call them those days) was a
priority. So it happened that there was this Form Three girl of whom I had a
crush on and from the look of things, I felt that she too had something deep
for me. One day I said leo ni leo, msemaye kesho ‘akate’. I approached her to
launch my bid.
I had planned the to-be
meeting for one Monday morning, venue being the assembly grounds and time being
just some minutes before the start of the assembly speeches. (I know you are
saying that I am a fool. I am not. In fact, I was very intelligent. Since I was
sure that after my proposal, the girl would say ‘yes’, I had planned to
publicly hug and kiss the hell out of my ‘manzi’! Apparently, if my plan had
succeeded, this was by far going to be a witty strategy to show those bullies
that I am a man who shares the same birthday with the Biblical Solomon.
Students had gathered and
were eagerly awaiting Mr. Amdany’s dose of Monday humour when I saw my girl.
She was in Third Form and I was a Form One imp, so, as protocol dictated she
was on the third line behind me. I gathered my confidence and went to her.
Everyone was surprised how I could just turn and walk to the Form Three’s line
- a territory of bearded and bald-headed men. They were actually shocked and
all had their eyes fixed on me awaiting my next move. Literally all eyes were
on me. I strolled like the son of the invincible village witchdoctor.
She was a cheeky attention
seeker and so when she saw me approaching her with a broad smile, she smiled back
seductively and called me by that English name of mine. My plan was working
wonders to my favour and I wished everyone would witness the preceding historic
moment that was just about to happen.
Hell broke loose however
when she stretched her hand probably to say “hello sweetheart”…but instead of
me stretching back my hand, I ‘kata-ad’ for her. Yaani, I saluted for her point
blank...The rest is history.
Murenoni Kangogo (2004 –
2007)
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